Memoir Memo

To: Mrs. Moody
From: Kyle Stultz

The purpose of the memoir review was to allow the writer to home their introduction and decide where to go from this point using the thoughts of a peer. My peer was no exception. She pointed out that I needed to go a bit deeper to tell the reader where I am going. I plan on doing that in the next paragraph after the two I wrote for the introduction.
My reviewer also gave me some insight into how my introduction appeared to the reader. She said that my introduction was engaging and funny. This was the exact effect I was hoping for. I wanted the reader to understand that, although the event was funny, this was how I felt every day. I felt as though everyone was laughing at me.
My reviewer also gained the correct ideas about my character at the time as well. I wanted the reader to understand that I had no confidence at all when it came to soccer. However, I think I need to add a little bit more to show that I also had no confidence off the field either. I believe I will do this in the next paragraph. I am not sure where my reviewer found out I had perseverance in this whole event but I was determined to stick with sports even if I wasn't good at them. My Dad always told me that if you start something, you finish it. I think I will put this into my memoir around the introduction as well.
I was hoping to keep my memoir riddled with detailed information that would keep the reader's imagination flowing through the story as I saw it. Based on the comments from my reviewer, I believe I have at least partially accomplished my goal. I will try to continue this pattern throughout the memoir and maybe add a little more detail in the introduction around where I prepared to kick the ball. I might give a little bit of insight into my physical capabilities at the time. This includes that I was severely chubby and could barely run the span of a football field without keeling over.
My reviewer also provided some insight that I found very informational. She thought that the team’s skill was not as important to the story as my own at the time. I agree with her largely mostly due to the fact that this is a memoir about my life. The only thing I did not agree with my reviewer about was the redundancy of "the". I don't really believe that the can be redundant. I will continue to refer to the notes from my reviewer as well as what I have written in this memo to keep me on track to a satisfactory essay.